![roxane gay work friend chocolate roxane gay work friend chocolate](https://static01.nyt.com/images/2021/05/21/business/21workfriend/merlin_187617708_e81d2e40-70ec-43ae-a376-f40565d84568-superJumbo.jpg)
It is nearly impossible to get respect from someone who is unwilling to give it. You are far from worthless, not only for what you contribute to the household but also for who you are. It is deeply unkind for your husband to say that you’re worthless. You deserve better than to spend your golden years with someone who doesn’t respect your contributions to the nurturing of your home, your family, and now, your career that provides financial support to your shared household. This is one of those instances where you need to get rid of the whole man. I know how hard that job is.Ĭounter the language being thrown in your face by divorcing your husband. It requires multitasking, flexibility, patience and endurance. Homemaking is a job that isn’t neatly contained within traditional working hours. When one person in a marriage or committed relationship stays home to raise the children and care for the home, that person is doing incredibly important work. We are both in our 60s and I want to get some respect for the steady contributions I have given to the household. The only thing you can really control in this situation is you and I don’t think it serves you or your well-being to obsess over this. If your colleague, however problematic in other ways, just works more slowly and differently, let it go. If you genuinely think your colleague is doing something nefarious, let your manager know and then it is up to her to handle the matter. She is earning money for work she performs, just like you. Why do you care? You don’t think your colleague is “patently dishonest or even a bad person,” right? Your colleague isn’t really taking money you would otherwise receive. I want you to think about why this bothers you so much.
![roxane gay work friend chocolate roxane gay work friend chocolate](https://brevity.files.wordpress.com/2021/06/dinty_moore_personal_essay_horizontal.png)
They seem to get away with behaviors we would never get away with or even attempt. Our co-workers often do maddening things. This is frustrating and, perhaps, unfair. Injustice is … voter suppression or police brutality or any number of truly horrible things. Your colleague’s business is none of your business. But I’m not sure I should say anything, though I am the only person in a position to do so. My project manager is blinding herself to what’s going on because it’s easier than having to confront an often challenging person. We’re actually competing for it - for time and for dollars. But the other freelancer and I are paid out of the same pot of money. And I don’t want to create bad feelings, especially between me and my project manager, for whom I’d like to work a lot more. Normally, what another person earns is not my affair.
![roxane gay work friend chocolate roxane gay work friend chocolate](https://miro.medium.com/max/1400/1*x2ySseqIr0t8neV2lfaJfA.jpeg)
I don’t know whether to bring this to my project manager’s attention. I think she’s very, very slow and fudges her hours. I don’t think my colleague is patently dishonest or even a bad person. On the list of nearly identical tasks for this project, I’ve completed 75 percent of the tasks to her 25 percent, and our project manager - who doesn’t seem to be aware of the division of labor - recently let slip that my colleague has been billing more hours than I have. We do the same set of tasks, but my colleague works much less and bills more hours. We are both working on the same project, for which we bill hourly. I work as a contractor, freelancing on a large project I really enjoy for a project manager I love - with a co-worker who has me pulling out my hair. It is fatphobic and unkind and unnecessary. Keep filling the basket with chocolates or don’t but stop obsessing about someone else’s public body and private life. Their health is not your business and you should not make assumptions about what their health is or is not. Your employee is a high-performing, outstanding individual, in your words. Your employee’s weight is none of your business. I said nothing of course, but now am wondering: am I contributing to this person’s weight problem, with all its attendant health risks, or am I just doing something nice for the office staff, or both? Do I continue to fill the basket with chocolates?
![roxane gay work friend chocolate roxane gay work friend chocolate](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5fb52ee9cc81451128fffc53/1617385078157-K2X7YXHR8DKG8DLFLNGY/KeepCalmAndCookOn_JuliaTurshen.jpg)
This employee is a high-performing, outstanding individual. Last week I walked into the office of one of my direct reports for a brief meeting and noticed on their desk a small pile of Hershey Kisses, likely taken from the basket in the break room. I started to fill it (anonymously) with individually wrapped chocolates I buy personally, as a small morale booster. In my department’s break room, I noticed a small, empty wicker basket. I am a senior leader in a large health care system. Include your name and location, or a request to remain anonymous. Send questions about the office, money, careers and work-life balance to.